


Accidentally Ever After

by Alisanne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-16
Updated: 2008-01-16
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:39:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1899363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alisanne/pseuds/Alisanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dumbledore plots, Harry spies, Severus snarks, Hermione researches and Ron rants. It’s just another day at Hogwarts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Accidentally Ever After

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sweetmelodykiss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetmelodykiss/gifts).



> Originally written for the 2008 [](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/snarry_holidays/profile)[**snarry_holidays**](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/snarry_holidays/) fest. [](http://sweetmelodykiss.insanejournal.com/profile)[**sweetmelodykiss**](http://sweetmelodykiss.insanejournal.com/) requested Mpreg, forced bonding, jealous partner exercising his dominance, hurt/comfort, romance, first time, Bottom!Harry, Virgin!Harry, Bottom!Snape, Virgin!Snape, humor, wall sex, shower sex, and men in kilts. I tried to include as many of her requests as possible and I hope I succeeded. Many thanks to my beta reader, [](http://sevfan.insanejournal.com/profile)[**sevfan**](http://sevfan.insanejournal.com/), as well as to [](http://unbroken-halo.insanejournal.com/profile)[**unbroken_halo**](http://unbroken-halo.insanejournal.com/), [](http://ragdoll.insanejournal.com/profile)[**ragdoll**](http://ragdoll.insanejournal.com/), and [](http://eeyore9990.insanejournal.com/profile)[**eeyore9990**](http://eeyore9990.insanejournal.com/) for moral support and technical assistance. Thanks also to our intrepid [](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/snarry_holidays/profile)[](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/snarry_holidays/)**snarry_holidays** mods for hosting the fest again this year. :)

~

Accidentally Ever After

~

Harry once again gave silent thanks for the gift of his Invisibility Cloak as he clutched it around him. If not for the Cloak, and for the alcove in the wall he’d discovered one day when he’d been loitering about Dumbledore’s office, he would have been clueless about what his elders were planning. Harry knew they were planning something, they always were. As a result, he had become quite adept at eavesdropping. He’d been fortunate enough to see Snape going towards the Headmaster’s office and had decided to follow him, hoping to learn something. Snape, as always, got right to the point.

“I got your message, Albus,” Harry heard him say. “And I must ask, have I not sacrificed enough for the boy?”

Harry frowned. He was fairly sure Snape was talking about him, but what was he being asked to sacrifice, exactly?

“My dear Severus, indeed, you have saved his life more times than I would have thought would be necessary, but I need you once more.”

Sighing, Harry settled in for a long wait. While this was a good spying position, it was small and cramped. He had found that if he sat cross-legged on the floor, however, he could manage some degree of comfort. From the tone of Dumbledore’s voice it sounded as if it would be a while before he got to any juicy details.

For a moment, Harry pondered abandoning his post to join Hermione and Ron, who were even now in Hogsmeade enjoying the uncharacteristically warm weather, then, he rolled his eyes. They were talking about him and he was going to find out what they were planning, even if it meant no pumpkin ice cream for him.

“What could you possibly need me to do now?” Snape said, his voice dry enough to bring to Harry’s mind arid deserts. “Voldemort is dead. In case you forgot, Harry managed to dispatch the bastard last summer. I had thought that I could move on with my life now that--”

“There’s still the little matter of the life debt, Severus.”

Life debt? What? Harry’s ears perked up.

“Oh for-- You _cannot_ be contending that I owe him anything beyond what I have already done! You have said yourself that I’ve rescued him more times than should be reasonably expected, in fact, I almost didn’t survive that final battle last year! I swear that brat is single-handedly responsible for shaving decades off my life with all the chances he takes...”

Dumbledore chuckled. “Yes, he is quite rambunctious, is he not? Reminds me of myself at that age.”

Harry grinned. Yeah, he’d figured Dumbledore for a troublemaker in his youth.

“Albus!”

“Calm yourself, Severus. Perhaps I should call for some tea...”

“No, you old charlatan. Just spit it out! What possible favour could you need from me now?”

“Harry still needs protection.”

“From what? Being mobbed by his admirers?”

“He is the heir to a great fortune and there are many who will be after him for the wrong reasons.”

“And you want me to guard his money for him? Honestly, Albus, hire him a solicitor if you feel the need...”

“I’m asking you to become his guardian until he’s of age.”

There was silence beyond the wall, and Harry could only imagine the gobsmacked look on Snape’s face. It probably mimicked the look on Harry’s face at that moment. The sound of a chair scraping against the floor jarred Harry from his stupor.

“Severus, where are you going?”

“I am leaving you to your insane delusions, old man. There is nothing that you can say that could make me take Harry Potter on as a ward.”

“Lily would have wished it.” Dumbledore’s voice was so quiet Harry had to strain to hear it. He unconsciously pressed his cheek closer to the gap in the wall to listen.

Snape’s sigh was loud, but his voice was soft. “You cannot know that. We hardly parted on the best terms, Albus. I doubt that she would have wanted him to _live_ with me, and I’m sure her husband would have some choice words to say about this as well.”

“If they were here, a lot of things would be different. Harry would not have grown up with his aunt and uncle, and likely he would be a very different young man.”

Harry swallowed hard. If Snape didn’t take him, would Dumbledore force him to go back to his relatives? Surely, now that he was technically of age and Voldemort was gone, he could live on his own?

“Until he reaches his majority, he is still a target for anyone wanting to take advantage of his innocence,” Dumbledore continued. “There are other dangers out there for him.”

“Such as?” Snape asked dryly.

“The Minister has been owling me frequently,” Dumbledore said. “About every other day, in fact. Each time it’s been some new request for Harry to make an appearance on their behalf. I have managed to stave them off, but it’s only a matter of time before they start inundating him with owls.”

Harry grimaced. The last thing he wanted was to have anything to do with the Ministry. Apparently Dumbledore knew that and was protecting him. Again. Harry smiled. The old man could be cryptic but he was perceptive.

“You have something against him affiliating with the Ministry?” Snape asked.

“It will be his decision ultimately, but I think he could use a guardian or even a friend to help him with such decisions.”

“He has friends. Surely they can help him.”

“I seem to recall that you and he became quite close last year during the war, Severus.” Dumbledore sounded amused, and Harry frowned. What _was_ he up to?

“War makes for strange bedfellows,” Snape said. “He’s all but a member of the Weasley family,” he continued, and Harry could hear the sneer though the wall. “Perhaps you should just let him marry the girl. Molly would be happy to manage his life, I’m sure.”

“Whether he’s acknowledged it himself, Harry is not destined to marry Ginevra. His life is going in another direction.”

“Oh?”

_Yeah. Oh?_ Harry frowned. He’d liked Ginny well enough. Maybe not enough to propose, but his life could have gone that way. He considered her a friend, and while they’d snogged once, now that she was seeing Dean again, that was a moot point.

“Yes, my instincts tell me that Miss Weasley is not Harry’s type.”

“And what, pray tell, is his type?” Snape asked. “Not that it’s any concern of mine.”

_Yeah, what is my type?_

“Naturally not, Severus. I have my suspicions that he’s quite partial to dark hair, actually,” Dumbledore said. “And that he is more attracted to, shall we say, a more athletic sort.”

Athletic? _Maybe he thinks I’m still interested in Cho?_ Harry shook his head. Dumbledore was brilliant in some things and so off in others...

“This would be a way to honour your memory of Lily,” Dumbledore continued. “Plus, the boy is desperate for information about his mother, you can provide him with that.”

“As can you, old man.”

Harry blinked. Snape sounded almost...resigned. As if he knew he was going to give in ultimately. Then a pop that likely signalled the arrival of an elf with tea made Harry jump. The sound of a teaspoon hitting the side of a teacup made Harry’s stomach rumble, and he bit his lip, hoping it wasn’t audible on the other side of the wall.

“I know she was your best friend, Severus,” Dumbledore finally said. “But don’t you think it’s time you let go? Form new relationships?”

“How long would I be expected to perform this task?” Snape asked after a long moment.

“Until after he’s reached his majority should do.” Harry could practically hear Dumbledore twinkling through the wall and he had a momentary surge of sympathy for Snape. Then he sighed. Dumbledore was right, if there ever was someone in need of friends, it was Snape. Harry had come to that conclusion a long time ago, but he would never tell Snape that. They’d come a long way since the war, and Harry had no plans to go back to their former antagonistic relationship.

“Very well. It’s obvious that this has been a part of your ultimate plan all along,” Snape huffed. “But you get to tell him, old man. This shan’t come from me. I refuse to be the one to force him into a bonded relationship.”

“Oh, I expect he’s aware that some sort of arrangements are being made for him,” Dumbledore said. “After all, his aunt and uncle made it clear that they were no longer willing to have him now that he’s seventeen, although blood protection is nothing to sneeze at. I shall explain this to him when I see him.”

Harry had heard enough. Stumbling to his feet, he pushed his way out of the alcove and headed for outside and freedom. He was to have little enough freedom soon, he imagined.

~

Harry found Hermione and Ron in Hogsmeade at Madam Puddifoot’s. He was still wearing his Cloak, so when he slipped into the booth alongside Ron it proved to be quite the surprise.

“Oi!”

Hermione frowned. “What is it, Ronald?”

“Shh! It’s me, I’m here,” Harry whispered.

Ron sighed and shifted over to make room. “Why are you wandering about invisible, Harry?” he asked. “The war’s over, you know. It’s safe for you to be seen in public.”

“No, it’s not,” Harry muttered.

“Why not?” Hermione asked. “Is someone following you?”

“He’s about to be.”

“What are you on about now?” Ron asked, clearly exasperated. “I have to say, mate, you’ve been acting really weird this year. Even weirder than when you were following Malfoy about last year.”

“And I was correct, wasn’t I? He was up to something.”

Hermione sighed. “All right. So who’s following you?”

“Dumbledore will be looking for me any moment now. You know how I’ve been telling you that he’s up to something--?”

“So you’re been saying for weeks,” Hermione said, cutting him off. “But I’ve seen no proof of that, and I don’t see what he could be up to that would be so bad anyway.”

“How about assigning Snape to be my guardian?” Harry snapped.

“Snape?”

“Shh, Ron!” Harry hissed.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “For heaven’s sake, Harry, take off the Cloak! The Headmaster can see through it, so you’re not likely to be able to evade him wearing it, and I can’t have a conversation with you when I can’t see you.”

“Is anyone looking this way?” Harry asked.

“No. Now will you just--” Hermione sighed as Harry’s head appeared, followed in short order by his body. He folded the Cloak up and shoved it in his rucksack. “That’s better. Now, what’s going on?”

Harry filled them in on what he’d heard, minus the bit about Ginny -- he definitely didn’t need Ron’s comments about _that_ right now -- then sat back, waiting for reactions.

Hermione surprised him. “Well, he may be right,” she said. “You’re in a vulnerable position right now, you could probably use a guardian.”

“What?!” Both Harry’s and Ron’s mouths dropped open.

“Think about it,” she snapped. “Harry, you have not only your parents’ but the Black family fortune at your disposal. You need someone to help you make wise investment choices.”

“And you think that person is Snape?” Harry asked incredulously. “Are you mad?”

“Dumbledore must have a good reason he thinks Snape’s the right guardian for you, though,” Hermione said, poking at the last of her ice cream with a thoughtful look on her face.

“The way he had a good reason for leaving me with the Dursleys even after the way he _knew_ they were treating me?” Harry asked sarcastically.

“You know why he did that.” Hermione leaned close. “I know it was awful, but you needed the blood protection to keep Voldemort away. He did it for your own good.”

Harry shook his head. “Moving in with Snape and making him hate me is not for my own good. Can you see us having to live in the same house?”

“Things have changed since Voldemort died, Harry. Snape’s not the bastard he was before. Plus, you all but fought side by side in the final battle. By the end you almost seemed to admire him.”

“That doesn’t mean he should be forced to take me on,” Harry muttered. “I just want to live my life and not be a burden on anyone.”

Hermione shot him a piercing look. “Is that what’s bothering you?” she asked. “The fact that you think you would be a burden on him?” She narrowed her eyes. “Do you want to have an equal relationship with him, is that it?”

Harry frowned. “I...I could never have an equal relationship with him, at least not in his mind. He’s my professor.”

“Only for a few more weeks.” Hermione smiled. “And when you were coordinating battle plans and defending the school with him you both actually seemed pretty close. I would almost have called you friends.”

“She’s right, mate,” Ron said softly. “The two of you were brilliant together. It was almost scary how well you seemed to understand each other once the yelling stopped.”

“So that means I should live with him? That he should be forced to put up with me? Forced into being a father figure?” Harry worked his way to the end of the booth and stood up. “I can’t believe you two.”

“Harry! Wait...”

Ignoring his friends calling after him, Harry hurried out of the shoppe and set out for Hogwarts. “I might as well let him do this,” he muttered. “It’s not like anyone’s going to stop him.”

“Stop whom, Harry?”

Harry sighed and looked straight up into obnoxiously twinkling blue eyes. “No one, sir,” he mumbled. “Here to take me to prison?”

Dumbledore tilted his head. “Are you all right, my boy?”

“I’m fine. Did you need me, Professor?”

“As a matter of fact, Harry, I do. We have some things to discuss.”

Harry nodded. “Right, well, let’s go, then.” With what he thought would be a final look at Hogsmeade, he walked with the Headmaster back to Hogwarts.

~

“You’re being remarkably calm about this, Harry,” Dumbledore said, pouring him another cup of tea.

Harry shrugged. “It’s not like I can say no, is it?”

Dumbledore frowned. “Well it’s really for--”

“My own good, yeah.” Harry slanted a glance over at Snape, who was sitting as still and silent as a statue in the chair next to him. It was making Harry nervous, so he looked away. “When do we have to do this?”

“I have made arrangements for one of the magistrates at the Wizengamot to do the Guardian Spell today,” Dumbledore said. “As soon as we’re ready, we shall use my Floo to get there, and I’ll have you both back in time for dinner this evening.”

Harry shrugged. “Yeah, okay,” he said, reaching for another shortbread for fortification.

“Drowning your sorrows?” Snape murmured.

“It may be the last time I eat for a while,” Harry said around the biscuit.

“And why is that? Are you planning to fast in protest of this arrangement?” Snape sounded tired, and Harry bit his lip.

“No. It’s just... My last set of guardians fed me as little as possible,” he finally said. “I guess I tend to eat when I’m nervous.”

“Severus is hardly likely to starve you, my boy,” Dumbledore said calmly. “And this is not that sort of guardianship. He shall be protecting you from unscrupulous people who may wish to take advantage of your fortune.”

“Mm, ’kay,” Harry muttered, wiping his mouth. “May I have another biscuit just in case?”

“Albus, what nonsense is this?” Snape was glaring at Harry, and Harry, intercepting the look, shivered and focussed his attention on the platter of assorted cakes and biscuits.

“I’m sure I’ve explained to you that Harry’s experience with his aunt and uncle has been less than pleasant, Severus,” Dumbledore said.

“You mean to tell me that those ridiculous stories are true? Tuney really had been starving him before he came to Hogwarts?”

“And in the summers when I went back,” Harry muttered.

Snape seemed upset, and Harry blinked, surprised at the sudden show of interest. Then he frowned. “Tuney?” Harry repeated. “You know my aunt?”

“Indeed, I became acquainted with your Aunt Petunia during our childhood.” Snape sneered as if the memory was unpleasant, and knowing his aunt, Harry had no doubt it was. “I remember her as an inflexible bi-- woman, but starving her own sister’s child I would have thought to be beyond even her.” He narrowed his eyes. “Albus, why was this allowed to continue?”

“Harry needed the blood protections, Severus.” Dumbledore looked sad for a moment. “However, if you would reassure Harry that you’ve no plans to deprive him of food, I’m sure that would go a long way to assuaging his nerves--”

Snape snorted. “Indeed.” He glanced over at Harry. “Be assured that I shan’t starve you, Potter. In fact, I imagine your nutrition can only improve under my tutelage.”

Harry, a chocolate biscuit half-way to his mouth, blushed. “What?”

“Your dietary habits are atrocious.” Snape rolled his eyes as Harry took a bite of the biscuit.

“You notice what I eat?” Harry asked, relishing the chocolate flavour that spread over his tongue.

“One could hardly miss it,” Snape sniffed, taking a sip of his own tea. “When are we leaving, Headmaster? I have grading to do this evening.”

Dumbledore got to his feet. “I think it’s time now, actually. Shall we?”

Casting a regretful look at the still full dish of pastries, Harry followed Dumbledore, sensing Snape right behind him.

“I shall go first. I trust you’ll make sure Harry arrives safely, Severus?” Before receiving an answer, he grabbed a handful of Floo powder and called out, “Barrister Murphy’s office!” before stepping inside and disappearing with a flash of green flame.

Harry moved forward to follow suit but was circumvented by Snape reaching over his shoulder and collecting the Floo powder container. “One moment,” he said. “Since you do not Floo well, and you have a habit of ending up in odd places, Potter, we shall travel together.”

Before Harry could respond to that, Snape had thrown the powder and had shoved him into the fireplace. He stepped in next to Harry, and he found himself breathing in an odd combination of ash and asphodel as they set off.

Travelling in a Floo alongside someone wasn’t so bad, Harry discovered. For once he didn’t stumble out, mainly because Snape was holding onto him firmly. He actually stepped out of the fireplace with barely a wobble.

“Ah, there you both are!” Dumbledore was twinkling again, and Harry sighed, stepping away from Snape’s side to look around.

The office of Barrister Murphy was crammed from floor to ceiling with books and parchments, and as Harry’s eyes scanned the mess, one of the piles of parchments seemed to be moving. He stepped back.

“I found it, Albus,” a voice said from the midst of the moving pile. “Knew it was in here somewhere.”

Harry blinked as a tiny, wrinkled man emerged from behind what was probably a desk. It wasn’t visible since it was piled high with parchments. He looked positively ancient, and Harry suddenly felt very young. Sharp eyes pierced his.

“You would be Harry Potter, then, would you?”

“Y...yes, sir,” Harry stammered.

The barrister focussed on Snape. “And you would be the proposed guardian?”

Snape inclined his head. “So I am told.”

“This is my old friend Mulciber Murphy,” Dumbledore said. “He’s one of the few still around who remembers me as a young man.”

Mulciber shook his head. “And he hasn’t changed a bit,” he said, shuffling over towards another pile of books that was taller than he was. “Now, I think I have a copy of ‘Constructing Compleate Contracts’ here somewhere. It’s been a while since I did a bonding. _Accio!_ ”

Snape frowned. “It’s been a while? Albus, perhaps we should find someone else to--”

“Here it is!” Mulciber declared, reaching for the large book that was flying towards him. He caught the book over his head, but, unfortunately, he’d apparently underestimated the weight of it. Harry gaped as the momentum of the flying book pulled the old wizard backwards until he had toppled onto another pile of papers, scattering them. He picked up one of the parchments. “Oh good! Here’s that contract I was looking for last week.”

“Mulciber, you do recall...” Dumbledore leaned close and whispered something.

Harry chewed his lip for a moment as Mulciber continued nodding at whatever Dumbledore was saying and peered up at him. Finally, the old man smiled.

“Right, establishing guardianship. Got it! Come over here, children,” he wheezed, allowing Dumbledore to help him to his feet.

Harry stifled a laugh as Snape shot an irritated look towards the barrister even as he glided towards the desk. _I bet he’s not used to being called a child,_ Harry thought.

Hobbling across to his desk, Mulciber Summoned a blank piece of parchment and a quill and began to jot something onto the paper. “Severus Snape, is it?” he asked Snape who nodded curtly. “So what is your purpose here?”

Snape sighed. “Apparently Potter requires a protector and I have been nominated. Again.”

Harry rolled his eyes.

Mulciber nodded, saying, “Very good, very good, children should be protected...” and as he began asking more questions that Snape answered succinctly, Harry distracted himself by reading the titles of some of the tomes he could see scattered about.

Coffins and Cases: A Beginners Guide to Vampire Law was lying next to The Magical Magistrate and Trials and Trolls. The last title immediately caught his eye and as he stared at it, the troll on the cover growled at him, making him jump.

“Harry, are you paying attention?” Dumbledore asked. “This is your future that is being discussed.”

Harry flushed and nodded, but as soon as Dumbledore looked away he went back to his perusal of the room. Next to Felonious Phantoms: 101 Ghostly Cases was Hogwarts: A History, and Harry rolled his eyes. Would he never escape that book? Hermione would have been in her element here.

Harry shuffled when he realised his friends had no idea where he was. He had left them in Hogsmeade a bit abruptly. _Oh well, they were the ones who were telling me to just go ahead with it._

“...you require is a contract to serve as protection for both parties, is that correct?”

“That sounds similar to what we had envisioned,” Dumbledore agreed. “Harry?”

“Sir?”

“We need you now.”

Harry stepped up to the desk.

Mulciber peered up at him. “You’re entering into this association of your free will, lad?”

Harry nodded.

“Very good. Now, give me your hand.”

Harry did so, jumping as something sharp stung him. “Ow!”

“You’re to become one family, one blood,” Mulciber lectured, squeezing Harry’s finger as if to encourage it to bleed more. “To do that we need blood.”

“This is blood magic?” Harry asked, eyes wide.

“Indeed,” Snape said, holding forward his own hand for similar treatment. “The Ministry would undoubtedly call this Dark.” The sneer on his face gave a clear indication of his opinion on that.

“Poppycock! Magic isn’t Dark or Light, it just _is_. It’s the intent that’s most important,” Mulciber muttered. “What are they teaching in these schools--?”

“Yes, we know how you feel about the deplorable state of the Wizarding educational system, Mulciber,” Dumbledore interrupted gently. “Perhaps we could proceed?”

“Yes, yes,” Mulciber said distractedly. “All right, now I need the two of you to press your fingers together so that the blood mingles, yes, exactly like that.”

Harry winced as Snape pushed his finger down firmly against the desk. “Ow!” he gasped, glaring up at Snape.

Snape smirked faintly. “Such whinging is unbecoming of a brave Gryffindor,” he murmured.

Harry rolled his eyes but a smile curved his lips. This was very similar to the banter they used to indulge in while fighting in the war. Perhaps this would work out after all.

Fumbling for his book, the old man peered into it for a moment. “Ah, here’s the incantation I believe we need.” Clearing his throat, Mulciber intoned, “ _Bivium Obligato_.”

Harry felt a burning sensation in his finger and he gasped as his and Snape’s hands were enveloped in a blue glow. He kept still until the glow faded, then pulled his hand free and stuck it in his mouth to suck on it.

“Oh dear,” Mulciber said a moment later. “Marriage is what you said, yes?” He pursed his lips. “Perhaps I meant _Bivium Advigilo_? Yes, I think that’s closer. Oh well.”

Harry’s eyes widened, and even Snape’s mouth dropped open.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. “No, old friend,” he said gently. “It _is_ guardianship that we wished to establish.”

“Shouldn’t you have been sure what we wanted _before_ casting the spell?” Snape asked, eyes narrowed.

“Hm. Well, yes, I suppose, although this is just as good,” Mulciber declared blithely, closing his book. “One is ‘bonding two together’ and the other is ‘two guarding each other’, so it all works out. One of my better bondings if I do say so myself.” Mulciber was smiling up at them. “Congratulations!”

Snape stared at the man in horror. “Bondings?”

“Oh dear,” Dumbledore murmured. “Perhaps you misunderstood the wording, Mulciber?”

“Eh?” Mulciber mumbled, gathering up his papers. “Misunderstood?”

“You mean that you bonded us as guardian and ward, correct?” Snape asked, his skin going pale, quite the feat for someone who didn’t normally exhibit a lot of colour under the best of circumstances. Harry felt concerned for a moment.

“Well, no.” Mulciber blinked up at them. “Bonded means _bonded_ , my boy. What _do_ they teach in schools these days?”

“What we _discussed_ was a spell to establish guardianship,” Snape all but growled.

“Did we?” Mulciber scratched his head. “That’s right, we did,” he finally admitted, “but the incantation _is_ very similar to an ancient marriage bond. Easy mistake to make, actually. Sorry about that.”

“Do not be sorry,” Snape snapped. “Just reverse it!”

The old man shook his head. “Not possible. You did indicate that you wanted this to be an airtight contract, so it is. Nothing but death can dissolve it.”

“Will yours do?” Snape snarled.

“Severus!” Dumbledore stepped forward and laid a hand on his arm. “I’m sure we can find a way to deal with this, er, complication.”

“It shouldn’t be a problem, should it?” Mulciber continued, apparently unconcerned about his error. “A marriage bond should work just as well as the guardianship you wanted to establish. In fact, if you truly want to protect young Potter’s inheritance for the rest of his life, the best way is as his bondmate, really. Means you’ll always be with him.”

“Professor Dumbledore?” Harry’s eyes were bouncing between Snape and the diminutive barrister while his brain caught up. “What just happened?”

“This old fool just bonded us, Potter!” Snape was now bright red, and that colour didn’t look any healthier on him.

Mulciber shook his head. “Children always think they know best, don’t they?” he stage-whispered to Dumbledore as if neither Harry nor Snape were there and able to hear every word. “No matter. They can thank me later.” He leaned close to Dumbledore and said, “Actually, I’ve seen marriages that had far less chance of succeeding.” With that, the old man began muttering to himself as he staggered behind a stack of books and disappeared.

“What the fuck just happened?” Harry repeated.

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. “Watch your language, and we just got married, Potter,” he muttered. “Yet again, my life has been ruined because of a Potter.”

“Well, I would hardly call it ruined--” Dumbledore stepped back at the baleful glare Snape directed towards him.

“Wait, what? We’re wh...what? But we can’t be married!” Harry stammered. “We’re both men.”

“You don’t say?” Snape said sarcastically. “And here I thought you weren’t paying attention.”

“Now, Severus, this isn’t Harry’s fault,” Dumbledore said.

“Yes, it is! If he hadn’t needed someone to protect him and his inheritance, this would never have happened. Now I am trapped in a farce of a marriage with your fu--” Dumbledore cleared his throat, and Snape rolled his eyes but modified his words, “--fool of a boy wonder.”

“But it’s not a real marriage, is it?” Harry asked, feeling ill. “I mean, it’s not as if we have to live together and, um, well, be like a couple.”

“Oh for God’s sake, do keep up, Potter!” Snape roared. “How you managed to defeat the Dark Lord is beyond--”

“It’s a real marriage, I’m afraid,” Dumbledore interrupted. “Mulciber is nothing if not complete. If he says there’s no severing the bond, then there is no severing.” He smiled. “But this could be for the best in the end, you know?”

Both Harry and Snape stared at him incredulously. Snape shook his head. “Barking mad,” he said. “You are insane--”

“Excuse me,” Harry interrupted, “but is this even legal? No one asked me. I’d have to give my consent for a bonding, wouldn’t I?”

“You _did_ give consent, imbecile!”

“That’s hardly the way to talk to your new husband, Severus,” Dumbledore scolded. “Although he is correct, Harry, you did. It is a valid marriage, I’m afraid.”

“But...” Harry knew he was hyperventilating but couldn’t seem to stop himself. “It’s not my fault the old guy got mixed up or whatever. I was going to marry, well, a girl!”

“Not any more,” Snape snapped. “Apparently you get me and I get a whinging brat!”

“Look, you old gi--”

“Stop this at once, both of you!” Dumbledore thundered, and in that moment Harry remembered how this man had commanded the forces against Voldemort. “What’s done is done. We need to return to Hogwarts to see what should be done about the situation.”

“Why do we have to do anything?” Harry asked, desperate. “Can’t we just ignore it?”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Mulciber’s voice said from behind a bookcase. “The bond will fight to be consummated. You should take care of that as quickly as possible.”

“Consummated?” Harry could feel himself blanching. “You can’t be serious!”

“As a Killing Curse, I’m afraid,” Dumbledore said. “But perhaps we should wait to get back to my office to discuss--”

Harry’d had enough. He spun and dashed for the Floo, and grabbing a handful of powder, he threw it into the fireplace and yelled, “Dumbledore’s office!” before stepping inside. His last sight was of a sneering Snape and concerned-looking Dumbledore watching him go.

~  
  
“Harry!”  
  
Harry spotted his friends in the corner of the common room and headed straight for them. To his surprise he’d actually made it out of Dumbledore’s office without being stopped, and when he arrived in Gryffindor tower it was in time to see everyone trickling in from Hogsmeade in pairs and small groups. He’d even seen Ginny, tightly clasping Dean’s hand, walk past him. To his relief, she hadn’t seen him. He knew he looked rough and there was no way he could have hidden what had just happened from her.  
  
By the time he got to the dorm, Harry was desperate to find Ron and Hermione, and when they smiled and waved at him in welcome, he felt some of the tension leave him. They’d know what to do, how to fix this.  
  
“There you are. Are you all right?” Hermione asked.  
  
“Yeah,” he said, standing there awkwardly for a moment.  
  
“You know we didn’t mean to upset you back there, right?” Ron said quietly.  
  
Harry nodded. “I know. But something’s happened and we need to talk.”  
  
Hermione patted the sofa next to her. “Of course! Tell us.”  
  
Collapsing onto the sofa next to her, Harry exhaled. If anyone could get him out of this she could. Lowering his voice, Harry explained what had happened after he’d left them. His description of Mulciber Murphy initially had Ron convulsing with laughter.  
  
“Sounds madder than Dumbledore, and that’s saying something,” he laughed.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. “Yeah, it was amusing until he accidentally married me to Snape,” he groaned.  
  
Hermione gasped. “Accidentally... Oh, Harry--”  
  
“He WHAT?!” Ron’s face was bright red, and after shushing him and looking around to make sure no one was paying attention to them, Harry nodded.  
  
“Keep it down! And yes, they bonded me to Snape,” he hissed. “Apparently it’s something that can’t be reversed, unless _you_ can think of something,” he said to Hermione, a hopeful tone in his voice.  
  
She blinked. “I don’t really know,” she admitted. “But I bet I can find out.” With a decisive nod she stood up, a familiar, determined look on her face. “You know what this calls for, don’t you? Research.”  
  
Harry and Ron groaned in unison. “I should have known it would involve the bloody library,” Ron muttered.  
  
“Shush, Ron. Do you have a better idea?”  
  
Ron looked sheepish as Hermione raised her eyebrow. “I didn’t think so. Now, Harry needs our help,” she continued. “Let’s go. If we’re quick, we’ll be done before dinner’s over.”  
  
Unfortunately, that was a gross underestimation of the time it would take to research as broad a topic as ‘marriage’ and ‘bonding’.  
  
“Who knew there were so many different types of wizard bonds?” Ron grumbled as the third hour of research neared and they were no closer to finding a solution to Harry’s problem. “Master/apprentice bonds, guardian/ward bonds, treasury bonds--”  
  
“Treasury?” Hermione narrowed her eyes. “That’s a Muggle finance thing! Stop wasting your time with that.”  
  
Ron shook his head. “It is not! Look, it says right here it’s something to do with how goblins view treasure--”  
  
Harry smacked his head against the table a few times. “This is hopeless. I’m doomed,” he said. “I’m going to end up having to stay married to fucking Snape for fucking ever!”  
  
“Ron, give me that book, I’ve never heard of that,” Hermione snapped. “Harry, watch your language, and since when have you been such a defeatist?”  
  
“Since the most powerful wizard of our time told me I had no choice but to remain married to fuc-- to Snape,” Harry muttered.  
  
“I have news for you, Harry, _you’re_ the most powerful wizard of our time. Did you or did you not defeat Voldemort last year? At age seventeen!”  
  
“She’s right, Harry,” Ron said. “Dumbledore couldn’t defeat him, and he tried a bunch of times.”  
  
Hermione patted Harry’s arm. “It may not be easy, but there’s got to be a way. Now let’s see what else we can find, and then maybe Dobby will be kind and get us some supper...”  
  
“Here you all are!”  
  
Harry’s eyes widened as a syrupy-sweet voice washed over him. Hermione, a look of sheer disgust on her face was looking at someone over his shoulder.  
  
“Hullo, Brown,” she said coolly.  
  
“Granger,” Lavender muttered dismissively before sliding into the seat next to Harry. “And _hi_ , Won-Won.”  
  
Ron muttered something unintelligible and put his book up in front of his face.  
  
“I missed you at dinner, Harry,” Lavender said breathily. “It was very good, too, your favourite.”  
  
“How do you know what’s my favourite?” Harry asked.  
  
Lavender smiled. “Oh, I can be pretty observant. So why are you all so serious?” she continued, leaning against Harry’s arm to peer into his book. “Oooh! Bonding rituals? My my, Harry, is there something going on? I thought you and Ginny were over.”  
  
“We are. She’s with Dean now,” Harry gritted out, trying to edge away from the breast that Lavender had emphatically smashed against him.  
  
“Why are you looking up marriage rituals, then?” Lavender asked, placing a perfectly manicured hand on Harry’s arm. A moment later she snatched it away. “Ow! You’re hot.”  
  
Harry hissed in pain as a burning sensation spread from where Lavender had touched, up his arm and to his shoulder. “What the--?”  
  
From a distance he heard Hermione and Ron calling to him, but for the life of him Harry couldn’t answer. Overwhelmed by the searing pain, Harry lost consciousness.  
  
~  
  
“...should have informed me immediately! Of all the utterly idiotic and ridiculous things to have undertaken...”  
  
Harry smiled, recognizing the concern and care underneath the scolding tone. He was in the infirmary again. And Madam Pomfrey was ranting again. Things were back to normal.  
  
“Continue holding Mr. Potter’s hand, Severus, yes, that’s right, you must.”  
  
 _ **Severus**? What the--? Snape is holding my hand? Oh, fuck!_ It all came rushing back, and Harry choked as he struggled to open his eyes.  
  
“Poppy, at the very least you should be calling him Mr. Potter-Snape given recent events.” Snape’s velvet tones came from above his head and the surge of adrenaline catapulted Harry into being fully awake.  
  
“Ah, Mr. Potter, there you are.” Madam Pomfrey’s sharp eyes raked Harry’s body before she smiled at him. “Back amongst the living, I see. Well, I suppose I should let you commune with your husband for a minute.”  
  
“Wait! No!” But she had already bustled away, the swish of the sound-charmed curtains deadening her footsteps.  
  
A hand tightened on his, and Harry looked down to see his fingers entwined with long, tapered _potion-stained_ digits. “Oh, fuck.”  
  
“It’s clear that is the direction that the bond is pushing us,” Snape observed dryly, “yet I should think you would want to talk first.”  
  
Harry tried to pull his fingers away, but Snape’s other hand covered his. “If you do not wish to repeat that excruciating sensation that brought you here in the first place, you should continue clasping my hand.”  
  
Looking into Snape’s eyes, Harry saw the truth there and sighed. “What happened?”  
  
Snape shrugged. “The bond decided that your year mate’s attentions were a threat to it and it reacted.”  
  
“My--?” Harry blushed. “You mean Lavender?”  
  
“Apparently the bond saw Miss Brown’s actions as a sufficient threat that it decided to act.”  
  
“It can do that?”  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. “Evidently. It will remain quiescent as long as it’s not feeling threatened.”  
  
“But that’s mad!” Harry sat up, careful to retain Snape’s hand in his. “I’ve never heard of married people being hurt because someone else is interested in them. Wouldn’t people be getting burned all the time?”  
  
“That charlatan did not use any standard marriage or binding spell that I could tell,” Snape said. “All of my research indicates that what he used was an old bonding ritual designed to prevent infidelity. It has been out of favour for many centuries.”  
  
Harry groaned. “Well, shit.”  
  
Snape nodded. “Crude, but accurate.”  
  
“So every time someone who’s interested in me touches me I’ll get burned?”  
  
“Apparently. At least as long as the bond remains unconsummated.”  
  
“Un...consummated?” Harry swallowed hard. “You mean we have to--?”  
  
“I trust I shall not have to define the word?” Snape deadpanned.  
  
Harry shook his head, mute, images flitting through his head. He had to have sex with Snape? And why wasn’t he as scared as he should’ve been about that?  
  
Snape sighed and looked away. “Potter, it was never my desire to foist myself upon you, quite the opposite in fact. If the Headmaster had not insisted...”  
  
“I know,” Harry muttered. “I heard.” A moment later he held his breath as he realised what he’d let slip.  
  
“You _heard_?” Snape repeated. “And what, pray tell, did you _hear_?”  
  
“I, um...” Harry took a deep breath. The cat was out of the bag anyway. “I heard Dumbledore ask you to be my guardian,” he confessed.  
  
“How?” Snape was quiet, but Harry wasn’t reassured; the menacing tone in his voice was at odds with the gentle grasp of his fingers.  
  
“There’s a spot outside his office where the wall is a bit thin, and I can hear things going on inside,” Harry muttered. “He’s been acting weird, well, weirder than usual, so I figured he was plotting something and I’ve been, um, listening a lot, and I heard him ask you.”  
  
“I don’t know why I’m surprised,” Snape muttered. “You always did have this regrettable tendency to poke your nose where it does not belong.”  
  
Harry shrugged. “If I didn’t, I’d never know what was going on,” he grumbled. “It’s not as if Dumbledore ever tells me anything, even when it involves me.” Snape was watching him, a thoughtful look on his face, and it unnerved Harry. “What?” he asked.  
  
To Harry’s shock, a tiny smile tilted Snape’s lips. “You’ll get used to that,” he said dryly. “It doesn’t change when you become an adult.”  
  
Harry laughed, and the atmosphere immediately became lighter. They smiled at each other for a long moment before Harry asked, “So what do we do now?”  
  
Snape glanced at the clock hanging over the cot. “I believe that it’s safe for me to release your hand now,” he said. “Poppy’s instructions were to remain touching you for at least an hour.”  
  
Swallowing hard, Harry nodded, inexplicably nervous as Snape slowly unwound their fingers. When there was no pain, he exhaled the breath he’d been holding and flexed his hand. Snape stood up, and Harry blinked. “Um, where are you going?”  
  
“To continue my research,” Snape said, moving his hand as if he, too, had been in some discomfort. “Now that the burning is gone, I can work undistracted. Do try to stay away from anyone interested in being your paramour.”  
  
“You felt it, too?” Harry asked, rubbing his hand.  
  
Snape inclined his head. “Indeed. It was not pleasant. Almost akin to the Cruciatus Curse in intensity. Perhaps it would be best if you remained here until I find a way to break the bond.”  
  
“And if you don’t?”  
  
Snape pushed the curtain aside. “Then I suppose we’ll have to get used to looking at each other,” he said, exiting before Harry could say anything more.  
  
“I’m so fucked,” Harry muttered to himself, collapsing back onto the bed.  
  
~  
  
“There,” Madam Pomfrey said, lowering her wand. “Your vital signs are finally stable. The Headmaster wishes for you to stay here for a while longer, however.”  
  
Harry nodded. Dumbledore had already been in that morning to apologize and explain that they were still working on a way to dissolve the bond, although the lack of twinkle in his eyes told Harry everything he needed to know. When Dobby had arrived, offering food and wringing his hands when Harry had refused, he’d calmly sent him away, and it wasn’t until Hermione and Ron came to see him that Harry had finally perked up.  
  
“Did you find out anything?” he asked as Hermione sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
She shook her head. “Everything I’ve read says it’s unbreakable,” she said.  
  
Ron nodded. “We both stayed up all night after they came and brought you here. They wouldn’t let us come in until now, and Pomfrey made us swear we wouldn’t touch you.”  
  
Harry groaned. ”Yeah, apparently the bond is jealous,” he said, launching into the explanation of what Snape had told him the evening before. “So I guess I have to be careful about who I touch and who touches me,” he concluded after many interruptions.  
  
“You really have to have sex with Snape?” Ron repeated for the third time.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. “Shush, Ron, and let me think,” she said.  
  
“What’s to think about?” Ron said. “I say we grab Harry and run far away.”  
  
“And then the bond sees us as trying to interfere with its consummation and it kills Harry? Great plan,” Hermione said sarcastically. “Honestly, Ronald!”  
  
“Death may be preferable to sex with Snape,” Ron muttered.  
  
Harry shrugged. “Speak for yourself,” he said. “I have no desire to die.”  
  
Hermione eyed Harry. “You don’t seem too upset about the prospect of being with Snape,” she said softly. “So what’s really bothering you?”  
  
Harry flushed. “I’m, um...”  
  
Ron was now staring at him as well. “Don’t tell me you _want_ to have sex with Snape, mate?”  
  
Harry looked away. “All right, I won’t tell you.”  
  
Ron’s mouth fell open. “But, Harry, that’s just...eww!”  
  
“Shut UP, Ron!” Hermione moved closer to Harry. “The bond could be encouraging you to see him in a better light,” she said.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
She smiled. “Is it that you think you’re forcing him, Harry? Is that what the problem is?” When Harry looked away she reached for his hand then stopped at the last moment. “From all I’ve been reading, these bonds can only work on two people if emotion is already there. That’s why they aren’t popular anymore. It makes it very clear very quickly if a marriage will fail.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean it wouldn’t have worked if he wasn’t just as interested in you.”  
  
Harry looked up at her. “So you think I should have sex with him and consummate the bond and tie him into marriage with me?”  
  
She smiled. “I think it’s what you both want anyway, and the bond is simply making it easier. How long have you been interested in him?”  
  
“I don’t...I...” Harry sighed. “A year I guess, maybe two. He was pretty heroic in the war, he taught me a lot, and then when we all came back to school he wasn’t as nasty and...”  
  
“I am _not_ hearing this,” Ron moaned, his face in his hands.  
  
“Don’t listen, then,” Hermione snapped. “Just SHUT UP!”  
  
“But he’s...”  
  
Hermione held up a hand. “He’s our friend and he needs our support. If you can’t do that then you should probably leave.”  
  
Ron crossed his arms and after a moment sat down on the other side of the bed. “I’m staying, but I want it noted that I don’t approve. I think we should be looking for a way to free Harry from the git.”  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. “Your pointless disapproval is noted,” she said. “Now, can we get back to the issue?”  
  
“Which is?”  
  
“Harry, have you ever had sex with a man?” Hermione’s face was bright red but her eyes were steady as she asked the question, bopping Ron on the back of his head when he began sputtering.  
  
“Oi!” Ron rubbed his head. “That hurt.”  
  
Harry was fiddling with the edge of the sheet. “I...um...”  
  
“Of course he hasn’t,” Ron said. “What kind of a question is that?”  
  
“An important one,” Hermione said. “It’s not like having sex with a girl, you know, the anatomy is different and--”  
  
“No way we’re having this conversation,” Ron interrupted, his own face bright red. “I’m sure Harry understands the differences...”  
  
“I’ve never had sex with anyone,” Harry blurted out. “I’ve only kissed two people.” His eyes darted to Ron guiltily. “Um, just the one time with Cho and then once with, um, Gin...”  
  
“Yeah.” Ron held up a hand. “I was there for that one, mate.” He looked away. “You being gay does explain why that never worked out, though.”  
  
Hermione was rummaging through her bag. “I just happen to have some books you can read on the topic,” she said.  
  
Harry raised an eyebrow and forgot his embarrassment for a minute. “Why are you walking around with books on gay sex in your book bag?” he asked.  
  
She blushed but stared straight at him. “I thought they might come in handy some day.”  
  
Harry stared back at her for a long moment before accepting them. Why was he surprised? She always had been far ahead of him in everything.  
  
~  
  
Harry spent that afternoon taking a crash course in male anatomy and gay sex, and by the time evening arrived, his mind was reeling. Madam Pomfrey had come in to find him reading Hermione’s books, and when he’d stammered and tried to hide them, she’d simply smiled and provided a few more so that Harry could have plenty of research material.  
  
At around six o’clock, Snape walked in carrying a tray loaded with tea, scones and biscuits. Upon seeing him, Harry blushed and slid the book he was currently reading,  The Wizard’s Guide to Gay Sex for Beginners, under his pillow. Snape narrowed his eyes.  
  
“Studying?” he asked, placing the tray in front of Harry.  
  
Harry nodded. “Er, yeah. Hermione brought me some stuff to read.”  
  
“Interesting ‘stuff’?” Snape inquired, reaching onto the tray and popping one of the biscuits into his mouth.  
  
“I suppose. I thought that was for me,” Harry said, looking at the food.  
  
“It’s intended for us to share,” Snape said. “The Headmaster does not want a repeat of the events of last evening, so until we find a way to make the bond quiescent, we’ve decided it’s best you take your meals in isolation.”  
  
“How’s the research going?” Harry asked, grabbing a pastry and biting into it. He hadn’t been aware of how hungry he was until he’d smelt the scones. “Is there a way to break the bond?”  
  
Snape shook his head. “All of my research indicates not,” he said. “I am now investigating whether or not it is possible to fool the bond into thinking that we have already consummated it without actually doing so.”  
  
“What if that doesn’t work?” Harry asked. “Does that mean we’ll have to, um, do it?”  
  
“Have sexual intercourse, you mean?” Snape pursed his lips. “Only as a last resort. I am not in the habit of forcing myself on anyone, much less a child.”  
  
“I’m not a child!” Harry protested, then flushed brighter as Snape fixed thoughtful eyes on him.  
  
“Indeed you are not,” Snape allowed a moment later. “And yet the age difference makes it something I refuse to contemplate.”  
  
“What if you weren’t forcing yourself on me?” Harry asked softly.  
  
Snape’s hand froze on the way to claiming another biscuit. “What are you saying?” he asked sharply.  
  
Harry swallowed hard. “Um, what if I didn’t mind it if we, you know...”  
  
Snape leaned forward and looked Harry straight in the eyes. “No, I do not,” he snapped. “This is not the time for misunderstandings. Say precisely what you mean.”  
  
“I mean it’s okay if we have to have sex,” Harry said, his face flaming red. “I don’t mind. I...want to.”  
  
Snape stared at him for a long moment. “It must be the bond,” he finally said. “It’s probably influencing you. I had thought that resistance to Imperius would make you less susceptible, but clearly I need to redouble my efforts to find a way to--”  
  
Harry reached for and clasped Snape’s arm. “It’s not the bond,” he said firmly. “Well, not _only_ the bond. I admit, maybe the bond helped me see it, but I was interested in you before the bond.”  
  
“Interested?” Snape tried to move his arm, but Harry was holding on for dear life. “Impossible. It was only last year that you stopped hating me outright.”  
  
Harry shook his head. “I never hated you-- well, I take that back. I may have hated you when I was twelve, when I didn’t know any better and you were a scary teacher, but ever since you tried to teach me Occlumency, I’ve realised that you were walking a fine line, and then when we worked together last year, I had a bit of a crush--”  
  
“Unhand me,” Snape growled. “I will not be mocked.”  
  
“Oh, for--” Harry dug his nails into Snape’s flesh. “I am not mocking you, you git,” he gritted out. “I want us to try this.”  
  
“You’re saying that you want me to fuck you?” Snape asked crudely. “You want me to put my prick up your arse and pump my seed into you? Why?”  
  
Harry exhaled shakily before licking his lips. “Yes,” he said. “I want all that. I...I’ve never done it, so I’ve been studying.” He pulled the book he’d been reading out from under the pillow with his free hand. It fell open to page seventy-six and Harry flushed. “I want to taste every inch of you and feel you in me and--”  
  
Snape moved so fast that he made Harry gasp. In mere moments he’d shoved the tray and the book to the side and was lying on top of Harry, his leg wedged between Harry’s thighs, and while Harry caught his breath, Snape rocked down. Harry could feel Snape’s prick sliding against him even through the layers of clothes.  
  
“You say you have never done this?” Snape asked, his breath redolent of tea and almonds.  
  
Harry shook his head.  
  
“Why me?”  
  
Harry swallowed hard. He knew he had one shot at this. “Ever since last year when we worked together I’ve wondered what it would be like if we...if you...if we were together,” he confessed. “I thought about it a lot and I even considered saying something. I wish I’d known when that last battle was going to be so I could have...”  
  
“What?” Snape asked softly. “Propositioned me?”  
  
“Yes.” Harry held Snape’s gaze with his own, hoping his sincerity was obvious.  
  
“If this is so that you can learn sexual prowess from someone more experienced, then you have chosen the wrong man,” Snape said stiffly, surprising Harry. “I am likely even less experienced than you are.”  
  
Harry blinked, then smiled. “Really? Well, then we can learn together. There was this thing on page seventeen of this book that I want to try--”  
  
Snape swooped down and captured Harry’s lips in a kiss that quickly turned sloppy and messy and intense. Harry gave as good as he got, arching up to try to get closer to Snape as their bodies rutted together.  
  
Things would probably have gone further but for the sound of a door slamming and brisk footsteps approaching. Harry pulled away and whispered urgently against Snape’s lips, “Pomfrey!”  
  
A second later Snape was sitting at the edge of the bed, nibbling on a scone, and Harry was busy trying to find something to do with his hands other than clasp Snape to him.  
  
“Ah, I see you brought Harry tea, Severus,” Pomfrey said as she breezed into the room. She cast an appraising look at Harry as she bustled about the bed. “You look flushed, are you feeling all right?”  
  
Harry nodded and studiously avoided looking at her or Snape. “I’m fine.”  
  
She pursed her lips. “In that case, then perhaps you are ready to leave the infirmary.”  
  
Harry’s head snapped up. “I am?”  
  
“Yes, although I shall have to insist that you stay with your hus-- Professor Snape for a while. At least until the bond fully stabilizes.”  
  
“All right,” Harry agreed readily, blushing as Pomfrey raised an eyebrow.  
  
Snape rose to his feet. “Very well. Shall we go now?”  
  
Accepting Snape’s hand, Harry suppressed a shiver of awareness as he was pulled onto his feet and pressed to Snape’s side. “We’ll travel by Floo, I think,” Snape murmured. “Potter still looks a bit unsteady.”  
  
Snape marched him over to the fireplace so fast that Harry almost lost his breath. “Severus Snape’s quarters,” he said, throwing a handful of powder into the centre of the Floo and dragging Harry in with him. The last thing Harry saw was Pomfrey’s speculative look before they were whisked away.  
  
“I think she knows,” he said as they stumbled out of the Floo and into a sitting room.  
  
“Knows what?” Snape asked, maintaining his hold on Harry’s elbow as he steered him down a hallway.  
  
“That we’re going to... you know.”  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. “What?”  
  
Harry blushed. “Snog.”  
  
Snape stopped and pressed Harry into the wall before leaning down. “Oh, I suspect she knows very well what we’re about to do,” he purred. “And for the record, snogging will be the least of it.”  
  
Harry’s mouth formed an ‘O’ and before he could formulate a response, Snape’s mouth had covered his, Snape’s body pressing his into the wall as they picked up from where they had been in the infirmary.  
  
Snape’s hands cupped Harry’s arse as he hauled him closer to rub against him.  
  
 _For someone who’s never done this before he’s brilliant at it,_ Harry thought hazily, his body arching against Snape’s desperately as sensations slammed through him.  
  
When Snape pulled away and began licking along Harry’s jaw, Harry tilted his head back to lean against the wall. Someone was moaning and it took Harry a moment to realise it was him, his gasps sounding loud in the dim hallway.  
  
One of Snape’s hands had worked its way around and was manoeuvring its way into Harry’s trousers, and when it grazed Harry’s prick, Harry cried out, shuddered and, to his mortification, came in a few quick spurts.  
  
Snape held him through his tremors, continuing to nip at his jaw and neck even as Harry buried his flushed face in the front of Snape’s robes. “Sorry about that,” he whispered.  
  
“Never apologize for a genuine reaction, Harry,” Snape murmured, pulling back slightly to speak against his temple. “It was quite...flattering, actually.”  
  
“But you haven’t...”  
  
“Indeed,” Snape said, rubbing his erection lightly against Harry’s thigh. “But I shall.”  
  
Harry opened his mouth and ended up whimpering as Snape spun him around to face the wall, his arms spread to keep his balance. “Snape?”  
  
Snape chuckled, and the sound sent a shiver of arousal down Harry’s back. “I think we are beyond surnames now, don’t you? Especially given what I am about to do to you.”  
  
“What are you...?” Harry moaned as his clothes disappeared, Banished by Severus’ whispered spell, and when long-fingered hands parted his arse cheeks, Harry gasped. “Oh God...”  
  
“You indicated that you wanted to try rimming,” Severus murmured.  
  
“What? How did you know...?”  
  
“I may not be experienced, but I have read that book you showed me earlier. I found page seventy-six to be interesting, too.”  
  
“You saw that? Bloody hell.” At that moment the extent of Severus’ formidable intellect hit Harry, but the tingle of a Cleansing Spell made him moan in anticipation, and the next thing he knew, those now familiar, thin lips were kissing his arse, a tongue was sliding across his flesh and into... “Fuck!” Harry cried as the wet tip of Severus’ tongue brushed his clenching hole and then circled slowly and almost savouringly. His head hit the wall and he shuddered as groans fell from his lips.  
  
Severus’ tongue, lips and mouth tormented Harry for several moments until Harry was pushing back, trying to get more. The slurping noises Severus was making, combined with his agile tongue thrusting inside Harry, made Harry’s prick harden again and his hand snaked down to grasp his own cock and pull.  
  
A hand reached up and stopped him. “I don’t think so.” Severus’ voice was hoarse, raspy. “ _Lubricious._ ”  
  
Harry felt a warm slickness coating his insides and a moment later a finger entering him, its way eased by the rimming Severus had indulged in and the Lubricating Charm. “Yes...”  
  
He felt Severus rise to his feet behind him and sighed as Severus’ naked skin brushed against him, his finger thrusting in and out even as he rubbed his leaking prick against Harry’s back. “All right?” Severus asked, a second finger finally slipping alongside the first to prepare Harry.  
  
“Yeah. More,” Harry gasped. “Feels good.” He pushed back and spread his legs wider, groaning as a third finger managed to make its way in. “Please.”  
  
Severus removed his fingers and tried to line himself up. It took a couple of tries for him to penetrate Harry, and Harry began to giggle at the near misses. He yelped, however, when Severus bit him lightly on the shoulder.  
  
“No laughing,” he whispered, and Harry could feel the curve of Severus’ smile against his skin as he spoke. “This is a serious matter.” The tip of Severus’ prick was now lodged inside Harry, and after only a momentary hesitation he thrust firmly and Harry whimpered.  
  
Severus’ wrapped his hand around Harry’s prick and began to stroke even as he stood there, buried to the hilt in Harry’s arse. “The book says this helps to combat the burn of penetration,” he said.  
  
Harry swallowed his giggles and nodded. “F...feels good,” he gasped, his hips moving forward involuntarily to chase Severus’ stroking hand. The movement caused a part of Severus’ embedded cock to slip out of Harry, and Severus hissed, speeding up his hand motions even as he began to move in and out of Harry with slow thrusts.  
  
“Am I hurting you?” Severus asked, and Harry could feel him trembling with the effort of not moving too fast.  
  
“No,” he panted, his eyes slitted. The sensation of being filled even as Severus’ hand was stroking him was sublime. “It feels good,” he gasped. “Weird, but good. Faster.”  
  
Severus shifted before each thrust and Harry tried to move to accommodate him. “They say it’s somewhere...” he muttered.  
  
“What-- Oh FUCK!” Harry’s eyes flew open as Severus hit _something_ inside him that made sparks fly up his spine. His cock twitched and Severus pulled more firmly, continuing to hammer on that spot.  
  
“That’s your prostate,” Severus whispered as he sped up. “And I expect you to find mine when you do this to me.”  
  
“When I--” Harry shuddered as Severus’ thumb circled the tip of his prick. “Oh, God...”  
  
Harry’s cock began to spurt warm seed and Severus continued moving through Harry’s orgasm, finally groaning as he lost his rhythm and was just thrusting blindly. He came soon after, collapsing onto Harry’s back as he shuddered through his own ecstatic completion.  
  
A moment later, Severus’ prick slipped out of Harry and they sagged against the wall together, Severus’ arm wrapped around Harry’s waist.  
  
“I would call that a successful consummation,” Severus murmured after a minute.  
  
Harry grinned. “Are you sure? Shouldn’t we do a few more things from the book just to be certain?”  
  
Severus groaned. “You want to have sex again now? You’ll be the death of me, brat.”  
  
“It’s all right, I understand that you’re older and you may not be able to keep up,” Harry said, smirking when Severus’ arm tightened around him.  
  
“Insolent whelp,” Severus muttered, even as he began herding Harry towards the door at the end of the hall.  
  
“Sorry,” Harry replied, not repentant at all. “Maybe it’s the bond making sure I’m suitably committed?”  
  
Severus snorted. “Or perhaps it’s just that you’re simply an insatiable hypersexual, which I suppose I shall find out in time.”  
  
Harry giggled as Severus steered him through the door into a bedroom where a large bed sat waiting. “Are you worried you won’t be able to keep up?” he asked.  
  
Severus smirked. “Certainly not. I am not a Potions master for nothing,” he purred before closing the door.  
  
~  
  
The chapel was festooned with flowers and candles, and a magical harp played in the background. Harry grinned, recognizing Molly’s hand in the decorations. She had appointed herself as their de facto wedding coordinator, and that was fine with Harry. It had left fewer things for him and Severus to have to decide on.  
  
The place was crowded with well-wishers but Hermione and Ron were visible from the door, and after a minute Harry managed to catch Hermione’s eye to give the ‘almost ready’ signal. He waved to let her know they had arrived before hurrying back to the anteroom.  
  
Severus was half dressed, somehow managing to look stately in just his kilt and shirt. Harry’s mouth watered as he eyed Severus’ long legs that were so attractively displayed. In his opinion, Severus’ legs were two of his best features.  
  
“I cannot believe you made us this late for our own wedding,” he snapped as Harry walked in.  
  
Harry shrugged. “I don’t remember you arguing too much as you fucked me in the shower,” he murmured, pulling his own kilt out of the bag.  
  
“Bloody bond,” Severus said, but a smile curved his lips as he spoke. “I am convinced it makes your arse irresistible.”  
  
Wriggling the bit of anatomy in question, Harry shimmied into the kilt, grinning as Severus seemed unable to look away. “Shall I make it up to you?” he asked.  
  
“You are a sex maniac,” Severus declared, crossing his arms.  
  
“Mm, I would say I’m a _Snape_ maniac,” Harry replied. “And we’re not that late. We have five minutes.”  
  
“There’s not much we can do in five minutes,” Severus said.  
  
Harry grabbed his hand and led him over to a chair that was located behind a desk. “I’ve been practicing my technique,” he said, pushing Severus down and settling onto his knees in front of him. “It’s just enough time for me to demonstrate what my latest research has taught me.”  
  
“Potter, honestly, we can’t--Dear God!”  
  
Harry grinned as he flipped up Severus’ kilt and saw his cock. Fortunately for him, Severus was a traditionalist and wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Leaning forward, he ran his tongue along the large vein underneath Severus’ prick, closing his eyes as that familiar musty taste burst over his tongue. Merlin, he loved doing this! A moment later he heard the door open and Harry froze.  
  
“Severus? Where’s Harry? And why are you just sitting there?”  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. Hermione had the worst timing ever! He started to pull back, but when Severus’ breath hitched, he got an idea. Instead of waiting, Harry ran the tip of his tongue over the crown of Severus’ cock, collecting some of the bitter fluid that had welled up there.  
  
“Harry is... He’s...” Severus sounded as if he was having some difficulty finding words, and as Harry closed his lips around the firm flesh and sucked, he wondered what Hermione would make of his normally erudite husband’s stumbling.  
  
“He’s what?” Hermione asked impatiently. “He waves as if saying you were ready to go, yet he’s nowhere to be found. Honestly, he is so scatterbrained sometimes... He really needs some focus, Severus.”  
  
Severus mumbled something.  
  
“What?” Hermione sounded testy, and as Harry began moving his head back and forth to coax Severus’ orgasm from him, he wondered how long it would take her to leave. He sucked strongly and was rewarded by another burst of fluid.  
  
“I believe that he will be back momentarily,” Severus managed, sounding somewhat strangled. It seemed to placate Hermione, however.  
  
“All right,” she said, her footsteps sounding loud as they approached the door. “We’ll see you in a minute, then. And, Severus?”  
  
“Mmm?”  
  
“Congratulations.”  
  
“Mmm,” Severus said just as the door closed.  
  
“Mmm,” Harry agreed, humming around Severus’ prick.  
  
Severus’ hand clasped the back of Harry’s head hard and then he arched, coming in slick waves down Harry’s throat. Harry swallowed it all greedily, finally sitting back on his haunches and licking Severus’ essence off his lips.  
  
Severus was sprawled in the chair, looking utterly debauched. After a moment, he cracked open an eye and looked at Harry. “You,” he said silkily, “are a menace.”  
  
Harry grinned unrepentantly and reached for his own prick which, not surprisingly, had taken an interest in the proceedings. Severus’ eyes narrowed.  
  
“No. Now we really don’t have time.”  
  
Harry’s eyes widened. “But I can’t go out there with an erection,” he said as Severus pulled him to his feet.  
  
Severus smirked and dragged Harry close. After a snog in which Severus conducted a thorough search of Harry’s mouth, he said, “You shall have to.” He then smirked. “Don’t worry. That’s what the sporran is for.”  
  
Harry allowed Severus to help him finish dressing, and when they were done, Harry caught sight of their reflections in a large mirror in the corner.  
  
In the past year that they had been together their bond had only strengthened, and when Harry had suggested that they have an official ceremony to declare their marriage and stifle the suggestion that they were not together by choice, Severus had agreed.  
  
While Severus still wasn’t prone to smiling, he did look a lot more relaxed, and Harry could even get him to laugh at times. This was not one of those times, however. Severus looked imposing in his green and silver kilt topped with white shirt and trim black jacket. Harry matched him almost exactly, except for his red kilt. As he stared at their reflection, Severus’ arms encircled him and their eyes met in the mirror and held. “Are you ready to make this official?” he asked.  
  
Harry nodded. “Definitely.” He smiled. “Ready to see Dumbledore gloat?”  
  
Severus rolled his eyes. “Mad old coot,” he muttered. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” With that, he took Harry’s hand and led him towards the chapel. “Plus, if we don’t hurry, you’ll likely attack me in the hallway and create a scandal.”  
  
"You give me more credit than I deserve if you think I'm planning to let you make it all the way to the hallway," Harry murmured.  
  
“I just knew kilts were a good idea,” Severus said dryly.  
  
And as they made their way down the aisle, Harry took note of every nook and cranny for later.  
  
~  
  
The majority of the guests were dancing, but two old men were huddled in the corner sipping potent mead.  
  
“That certainly worked out well,” Albus Dumbledore said, raising his cup to toast his companion.  
  
“Are they aware that the bond will likely encourage them to procreate?” Mulciber Murphy asked as he watched the wedded couple dance.  
  
Albus smiled. “Now, now, Mulciber, one thing at a time. It took enough plotting to get them bonded in the first place. And, after all, marriages thrive on surprises.”  
  
Mulciber shrugged, then smiled. When Albus had approached him with this mad scheme he’d had his doubts, but as he watched Snape lead his bondmate around the dance floor, he realised he’d been right to do this. This really was one of the best bondings he had ever seen. After all, sometimes, children needed others to do what was best for them.  
  
~  
  
Finis


End file.
